Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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