So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
