haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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