idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
