I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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