FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
