one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
