Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
