He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
