There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
