I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
