We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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