those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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