I accidentally had phone sex last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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