party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
