i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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