my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize