6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
