I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
