Is it normal to miss your booty call?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
