well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
