how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
