Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
