there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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