i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
