It's like God shit irony all over that family
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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