i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize