I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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