dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
