i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize