just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize