I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
