My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
