So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
