DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize