So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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