Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
