what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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