Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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