That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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