I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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