Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
