THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
