I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
