Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
