no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
