i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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