i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize