I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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