Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize