You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
