So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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