I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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