Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
