I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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