why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
