Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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