At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize