Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
