You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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