I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
