Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize