even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
