Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
