oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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