Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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