Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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