She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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