So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
