I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't put those talents on a resume
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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