some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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