dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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