Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
