Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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